Regret
by Marissa91932
Summary: Set after the events of the Warehouse shooting. Jane comes to a realisation about her feelings for Maura and tries talking to Maura. Multi-Chapter! (My first attempt at writing FanFic so please take it easy on me.)
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

It's been almost a month and a half of silence from Maura to Jane since the events of the shooting at the warehouse, in which Patty Doyle was seriously injured by Agent Dean and Agent Dean was shot dead by Patty Doyle.

Meanwhile at the precinct a spaced out, depressed, and a disheveled Jane Rizzoli walks into the bullpen just shy of being late.

_Going to try and talk to Maura again today, this month and a half has been hell without her. I just love her so much I don-, wait a minute? Where the hell did that come from? And why does it feel so…right? _Jane is so deep in thought on the way to her desk she only comes out of her thoughts once she hears Crowe talking to her.

"Yo, Rizzoli! You look like shit." Crowe says.

"Why don't you shut your mouth and go fuck yourself." Jane retorts.

"Woah I take it someone is about to have their little girls day or is the queen of the dead still not giving it up to you." Then after a pause, "seriously Rizzoli just tap that ass, maybe then she'll forgive you for shooting that piece of shit mob father of hers."

Jane turns on Crowe so fast and has him pinned up to the wall by his neck that nobody could do anything about it but sit and watch.

"Don't talk about her like that, you piece of shit!" Jane says while tightening the hold she has on Crowes neck.

"I mean if you're not going to be tapping that anytime soon then send her my way, I can make her forget all about her best friend Jane Rizzoli that shoots mob bosses, while I'm tapping that fine ass." Crowe manages to squeak out.

Once Crowe finishes Jane is seeing red. So she doesn't think twice about the punches and kicks she's giving Crowe. While she's kicking Crowe's ass she doesn't hear Maura's heels come to a halt or Korsak and Frost coming to pull her off of Crowe.

"Jane, stop! He's out!" Says Frost, but still Jane doesn't stop.

"Rizzoli stop! That's an order!" Korsak jumps in while having Frost pull her off of Crowe.

As soon as they get Jane off of Crowe Jane becomes aware of Maura's presence once she hears the sound of her heels going in the direction of the elevators. Once she's aware of this she starts running after her. _I have to tell her how I feel and how sorry I am, I need to get her to forgive me. _That's all Jane has going through her head that she almost loses the beautiful ME in the crowd.

"Maura! Please wait!" Jane yells but Maura only starts walking faster.

So Jane starts running faster until she's able to gently grab the ME's arm and turn her around. When Maura turns around she doesn't look happy, in fact she looks pretty pissed.

"What do you want **Detective**?!" Maura quietly yells.

At the sound of being called Detective Jane flinches as if she's been physically slapped by the ME.

"Maura, I just want to talk to you. Can we please talk somewhere in private?"

"Now why would I want to speak to you Detective?"

"Maura please, I'm sorry. I miss you and I just need to speak to you."

"You **NEED** to speak to me?! What about what I needed, huh Jane?! I **NEEDED** my best friend to not shoot my father! But look, I didn't get what I needed. So how about you not talk about what you needed when you didn't listen to my needs."

"Maura, I was just doing my j-" Jane doesn't get to finish, because as soon as she's about to finish Maura silences her with an actual physical backhand.

"I'm sick and tired of hearing you say that! So just stop using that as an excuse!"

Jane wasn't expecting the slap and is pretty surprised when she lifts her hand to her face and to feel the blood on her slightly split lip. At this moment Jane just wants to get Maura to a somewhat secluded place away from all of the nosey eyes that are watching the scene in front of the elevators. So Jane grasps Maura's elbow tight enough so she can't escape, but not tight enough to leave a bruise and drags her to the handicapped ladies room and locks the door.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Maura yells.

"I'm trying to talk to you!" Jane yells back.

"There's nothing for you to say to me that I haven't heard from your mouth! It's always the same thing! 'Maura I'm so sorry, please forg-'"

"I love you Maura!" Jane interrupts.

"What?" Maura says while staring at Jane as if her eyes are going to pop right out of their sockets.

"Well that got you to shut you up." Maura just glares at Jane. "Maura, I'm in love with you, it hurts to be without you! I don't want to live without you anymore! I miss your laugh, I miss all of your google talk, I miss the way you used to look at me. Hell, I even miss Bass. Also, I think you feel the same way about me. Please Maura, I'm so sorry for hurting you. He just swung the gun toward me and Frost and I thought he was going to shoot. I was trying to protect all of us! " Maura just stands there glaring at Jane, fuming. "Well Maur, are you going to say anything?"

"How dare you Detective Rizzoli!" Maura yells in response.

"What?" A confused Jane says.

"I used to feel something around those lines for you. But how can I feel something like that for someone who's a murderer! You know, you're just like Patty Doyle! The only difference is that you're justified with your little badge to get away with your killings!" After a pause Maura continues. "I hate you Jane Rizzoli! I don't want to see you around anymore! You despise me! Now please leave me alone and get out of my life or else I'll be forced to place a restraining order on you."

By the end of Maura's rant, Jane is quietly sobbing.

"Y-You don't meant that M-Maur." Jane manages to squeak out through her tears.

"Oh believe me, I do. I **REALLY** do. Better start learning how to live without me Detective because we're through."

With those last words, Maura leaves a broken Jane Rizzoli sobbing on the bathroom floor, drowning in her thoughts.

_How can she just say those things after I just laid my heart on the line to her? She couldn't have meant those things…But Maura can't lie…What am I going to do_ now?

**So this is my very first Rizzles Fan Fiction. I always read Rizzle fanfiction but i thought it would be a fun challenge to try and write my own.**

**Please take it easy on me guys. I don't write very much stories and or dialogue.**

**Working on chapter 2 right now!**

**Please Review and let me know what you think! Suggestions would be pretty cool also.**

**Thanks Guys!**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

A few minutes later Jane is brought out of her thoughts by an unhappy Lieutenant Cavanaugh banging on the bathroom door.

"Rizzoli! I better see your ass in my office in 5 minutes!"

5 minutes later a distraught Jane Rizzoli made her way to Lieutenant Cavanaugh's office.

"Sit your ass down Rizzoli."

"Yes sir." Jane mumbles.

"You wanna tell me why I have a Detective on his way to the ER for a broken nose and a broken jaw?" questions Cavanaugh.

"I punched him and kicked him repeatedly because he was saying some offensive things." Jane quietly mumbles.

"SPEAK UP RIZZOLI!" A frustrated Cavanaugh yells.

"I SAID I PUNCHED HIM AND KICKED HIM A FEW TIMES BECAUSE HE WAS SAYING SOME OFFENSIVE THINGS!" Jane yells back equally frustrated.

"Watch your tone Rizzoli. You're lucky people heard the things he said to you so I'm not suspending your ass." After a few moments Cavanaugh talks again. "Although I'm not suspending you, I am ordering that you a mandatory leave of absence."

"Sir th-"

Cavanaugh stops her with a raise of his hand and continues on.

"Listen to me Rizzoli, You're one of my best detectives. Hell, one of the best detectives I've seen throughout my career but you're mindset isn't where we need it to be." After he lets that sink in for a second, he continues. "I know the warehouse shooting has caused some turmoil for you and Dr. Isles and that's probably what's affecting your mindset, and I don't need you getting killed on the field or getting your partner or Korsak killed because you aren't focused."

After he sees Jane attempting to protest again he quickly adds "You're not fighting me on this Rizzoli, it's **MANDATORY**. So I'm giving you 30 days to get your mind back on track. And I don't want to see you back until the 30 days is over, understand?"

"Yes Sir." Jane mumbles in a defeated tone.

"Good, now get out of here. I'll see you in 30 days." Cavanaugh dismisses her.

As soon as Jane gets out of Cavanaugh's office she immediately feels the sympathetic stares of her current partner and her ex-partner on her. As soon as she gets to her desk to grab her blazer, badge, service weapon, keys, and cell phone Frost and Korsak start questioning her.

"What the hell was up with you smashing Crowes face in Jane? Frost Asks.

"Nothing, he was just being a prick." Jane replies.

"When isn't he?" Frost scoffs.

"What did Cavanaugh talk to you about Janie?" Korsak asks.

"He put me on a 30 day mandatory leave. Saying my mindset is off and I'm going to get myself or someone else hurt." Jane mumbles while looking for her cell phone under all of the files that are under her desk.

After she lets them know about the 30 day mandatory leave Korsak just looks at her sadly and Frost is about to say something when Jane stops him.

"He's right Frost. I'm not thinking straight and I really need to clear my head. So until then, you're stuck with big belly Korsak."

"Hey!" Korsak humphs while Frost laughs.

"Well, we'll miss you Jane. Just take care of yourself and call us if you need anything." Frost says seriously.

"Yeah Janie, don't go doing anything stupid." Korsak says.

"Yeah, yeah. Me do anything stupid? I'm the model of smart decisions." Jane sarcastically replies.

"Come on Janie, you need to stop beating yourself up. You were just doing your job and protecting your partner and yourself." Korsak sympathetically says.

"Doesn't seem like it…" Jane mumbles to herself. "Anyways, I'll catch you boys later."

Once Jane's out of earshot the boys get to talking again.

"I have a bad feeling in my gut." Frost says to Korsak while watching Jane walk toward the elevators.

"Me too Frost…Me too" Korsak replies with a sigh.

With that Korsak slaps Frost on the back and head back to do some paperwork.

**I'm so sorry this chapter isn't as long as the last one. Although, two chapters in one day is pretty great.**

**I'm just writing this from scratch in my head so if it's not coming along too well I apologize.**

**Working on the third chapter as we speak. I think I'm going to stop being to focused on Jane and start adding a lot more Maura in this.**

**Expect a lot more chapters throughout the night. I'm beyond bored so I'm just writing.**

**Thank you for the reviews! They're very encouraging.**

**Enjoy reading and let me know what you guys think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

After Jane leaves the BPD she gets into her car and spends the next few hours driving around the streets of Boston until it's a reasonable time for her to go to the closest bars to her. She picks a bar called the Fritz Lounge. As soon as she walks in she knows there is something off about this place since the only people at this particular bar are women. As Jane walks up to the bar to get a drink, she becomes conscious of all of the other eyes on her. As soon as Jane gets to the bar she orders a MGD64.

"You look new here." The bartender says as she passes Jane her MGD64.

"Yup." Jane says as she takes a small chug of her beer. "This place is pretty interesting."

"What makes you say that?" The bartender says as she starts wiping down the spot next to Jane.

"Well there are only women here."

The bartender chuckles. "Well, what do you expect? This is a lesbian bar." She says with a smile in her voice.

Jane chokes on her beer. "W-What?" Jane manages to get out during her coughing fit.

"Oh, come on. You really couldn't put two and two together?" The bartender says jokingly.

"Some detective I am." Jane mumbles and takes a long chug of her beer. The bartender just looks at her with an amused look. Jane notices after she's done drinking.

"What?"

"So, you're a detective? What's your name?" The bartender says with a tilt to her head.

"Jane. Jane Rizzoli. Or in other words Detective Rizzoli." Jane says the last sentence in a mocking town.

The bartender quickly recognizes that name, but decides not to say anything. "Well **Detective Rizzoli,** it's nice to meet you. I'm Lindsey." Lindsey says with a flirty smile.

"Mhmm" Jane says while she's chugging the last of her beer and trying to discreetly check out the bartender.

_Hmm, very pretty. Blue eyes, blonde hair in a low ponytail, Petite, Medium height, Nice smile. Wait a minute. Since when do I check women out that aren't Maura? _Jane starts to think with a frown on her face.

Lindsey notices Jane discreetly checking her out and notices the frown on her face. "So, what brings you here?" She says to bring Jane out of her thoughts.

"Wanted a drink. Closest place." Jane shrugs. "Hey, can I get another one of these please?"

"Coming on up." Lindsey hands Jane the drink with a smile. "You're getting quite the attention here tonight."

"What are you talking about?" Jane asks with a confused look on her face.

"Watch, turn around." Lindsey gestures with a nod. Jane does so and when she turns around she automatically notices a few women giving her a hungry look. When Jane turns back around, Lindsey can't help but laugh at the look on Jane's face. "Oh come on. They can't help it. You're gorgeous." Lindsey says with her flirty smile in place.

"Thank you." Jane says with a blush on her face. "You aren't too bad yourself." Jane mumbles with a small smile on her lips.

"Is Detective Rizzoli flirting with me?" Lindsey says with a mock gasp, then chuckles. "So, what's on that mind of yours Detective?"

"Aren't you supposed to be working or something?" Jane says with a mock glare.

"Eh, my shifts over…..As of now." Lindsey finishes while motioning to the other bartender that it's the end of her shift.

"Well then." Jane says with a raise of her eyebrow while looking at the pretty bartender.

"You know Jane I'm practically a certified therapist."

"Says who?" Jane says with a small smile and a raise of her eyebrows.

"Says me." Lindsey says with a wink.

Jane just chuckles in response.

"I don't know about you, but I need a drink." She says as she brings out a bottle of whiskey and brings out two shot glasses. Pleased that she got the gorgeous Detective to laugh.

"It would be rude of me to turn down free booze." Jane agrees.

After a few shots Jane starts to open up.

"So, what's on your mind?" Lindsey asks while putting her hand on Jane's forearm.

Jane just stares at the brown liquid in her glass, then the hand on her forearm. "How can someone that you love and have known you for years just hate you."

Lindsey contemplates for a minute. "Well, what did you do?"

"Shot her sperm donor father." Jane says with a grimace, and then downs a shot.

"Ouch."

"Tell me about it." Jane mumbles.

"Well why did you shoot her father?"

"I was just doing my job." Jane says with a hard look in her eyes.

"Whoa, down tiger. I'm just trying to get a grip on the situation." Lindsey says with a gentle smile on her face.

"Sorry, I'm just extremely frustrated. He was pointing his gun toward me and my partner Frost and he just shot a federal officer and I had to do something to make sure we were all safe. So I pulled the trigger." Jane says with a glazed over look and downs another shot. "And now I'm on mandatory leave for 30 god damn days because my "Mindset" isn't where it needs to be according to my lieutenant."

"Whoa. That's pretty heavy" Then after a pause. "Well does she know all of this?"

Jane humorlessly laughs. "Yeah, hence the split lip, backhanded for trying to tell her. Pretty hard hit, sure as hell surprised me." Then Jane downs another shot. "Thanks for that one Maura." Jane mumbles to herself, but Lindsey hears her.

By this point Jane is starting to feel pretty drunk and pretty angry and all she wants to do is go talk to the ME and make her listen to what she has to say. So she start to pull out her wallet to pay for her beers when Lindsey hands her a piece of paper.

"I like you Jane; you seem like a good person. Call me if you ever need to talk or anything." Lindsey says with a smile when she sees her confused look.

Jane just hands her, her card with all her info and stumbles out of the bar.

Once outside Jane checks the time and realizes its 10:00 PM and that she was talking to the pretty bartender for 3 hours. After she puts her phone away, she flags down a cab and gives him the address of Maura's Beacon Hill home.

_This is it. I'm going to get her to listen to me one way or another. If she doesn't listen then that's it. This is my last try. She's said some pretty hurtful things to me and I can't take any more so, here goes nothing._ Jane thinks while she's in the back of the cab on her way to Maura's.

**Hey guys!**

**I'm not so sure how I feel about this chapter. The direction that I want to take this story keeps changing****but it's about to get angsty.**

**Hello all you new followers!**

**Thank you guys for all of your reviews. You guys are just too nice! Please feel free to give me some suggestions and to continue leaving reviews.**

**Working on chapters 4 and 5 already! They should be up by tonight or tomorrow.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey Guys! I'm so sorry for updating way late. Life has just caught up with me and left me stumped also I've been having a hard time deciding the direction of where I want to take this chapter and this story in general. Anyways, here is the next chapter. I'm a bit rusty so please let me know what you guys think!**

**CHAPTER 4**

As soon as Jane gets to Maura's home in Beacon Hill, she pays the driver and jumps out of the cab.

Jogging to Maura's front door, preoccupied with her thoughts she doesn't notice the other car parked in front of Maura's home. Once in front of the door she takes a moment to recollect her thoughts before she knocks.

_Come on Rizzoli. You got this. You just have to get her to listen to you. Keep it calm. Avoid another slap. This is the woman you love and while you never want to give up on her and you main goal is to make this woman yours, you can't continue to let her keep hurting you and blaming you so if she turns you down again and puts you through the ringer then, well at least you tried. Last chance. _

After she gathers her thoughts she knocks on the door. A few seconds later a beautiful Maura Isles answers the door with a polite smile. After seeing who is knocking at her door that smile automatically turns into a glare.

"Can I help you, Detective Rizzoli?" Says Maura as soon as she realizes it's Jane.

"I need to talk to you Maura, please. Give me one last chance to explain and if you want me gone then I'll leave you alone and play by your terms" Jane replies while nervously playing with the scars on her hands.

Maura notices Jane's usual nervous habit and her face softens a little bit, but still has a glare on her face.

"I'm busy." Maura replies.

"Please Maura give me ten minutes" Jane begs.

Maura just looks at her for a few seconds before another voice enters the conversation.

"Maura, is everything okay?" A handsome man in a button up shirt and slacks says while he walks up behind her to see who is at the door.

Jane just looks at him and Maura shocked, hurt, and confused.

When the man realizes that Maura and the other woman aren't going to say anything he introduces himself to Jane.

"Hi, I'm Brian." Then adds when he realizes Maura isn't going to elaborate. "Maura's date for the evening."

Jane doesn't share the introduction. She just stands there rubbing the back of her neck lost in her thoughts.

_Well what the fuck. I tell her I love her, that I'm in love with her and here she is on a fucking date. Fuck this is so fucked up. And here I am standing like an idiot while Maura looks at me curiously. I gotta get out of here._

"Uhm, I'm sorry for the intrusion but do you think you could give me and Dr. Isles a few minutes. It won't be long." Jane says coldly.

Maura looks a bit taken aback at the change of tone from Jane, but recovers quickly putting back the stony look she's become accustomed to using when it comes to Jane.

"I'll be inside in a minute Brian." She says as she's closing the door to give her and Jane some privacy on the porch.

As soon as Maura is on the porch she watches Jane pace for a minute before speaking up.

"What do you want Jane?" Maura says exasperated.

"What ever happened to Detective Rizzoli?" Jane says with a bite in her voice.

Maura just looks at her unphased.

"What do you want Jane?" Maura repeats.

"What do I want?" Jane replies after a minute of just looking at Maura and takes a step closer to her. "I want my fucking best friend back. I want you to love me back. I want you to not hate me. I want you to not be on a fucking date right now." Jane takes a break to recollect her thoughts.

Maura just looks at her waiting for her to continue.

"What the fuck are you doing Maura?" Jane just looks at her. "You're really on a date right now? After I confessed all of my feelings to you earlier and you're on a fucking date!" Jane says after a few seconds. "I fucking love you Maura, I'm ** IN **love with you, but I guess that's not good enough for you or else you wouldn't be on this date."

Maura tries to say something but is stopped by Jane.

"I'm sorry for shooting your father. I was trying to protect you, me, and Frost. But you can't please everyone." Jane exhales then continues. "I don't know what else to say to you other than I'm sorry and I love you. And this whole not talking to each other and you being mad at me is killing me."

Maura waits for her to finish and then thinks over what Jane says.

_She loves me. She's IN love with me. But she shot my father. She betrayed and hurt me. I just need to think and keep her at a distance. But I do miss her terribly. Jesus Jane, why did you have to shoot my father and then express your feelings._

After a minute of silence and a staring match, Maura finally speaks.

"Jane I don't know what to say. You betrayed me and hurt me, and now on top of it all you have admitted to having feelings for me." Maura says exhausted but with a bite in her voice. "I can't believe you've decided to admit your feelings now. We're going through this whole situation and you think that by you admitting your feelings, that I'm just going to drop everything and forgive you!"

"Mau-" Jane tries to say something but is interrupted by Maura.

"No Jane, I'm talking right now." Maura interrupts. "I did love you Jane, but I wish you didn't admit your feelings like this. I've been waiting for the day when you would say something but I never expected it to be like this." Maura exhales. "I'm tired of fighting with you, but I can't trust you or forgive you."

Jane just nods while tears are streaming down her face.

Maura notices the tears and regrets not admitting to her current feelings for the detective.

"I'm sorry Maura. I truly am. Just remember I love you. I'll always be here for you." Jane says as she steps up to Maura and gives her a long kiss on the forehead.

Maura feels tears coming out of her eyes as she feels the tender kiss Jane leaves on her forehead.

"I'll leave you to your date." Jane says as she starts walking off Maura's porch.

Maura just nods and watches Jane walk down the street.

As Jane is walking down the street she is lost in her thoughts.

_That didn't go as bad as I thought it would. It was pretty calm. But damn. She was on a fucking date. That's pretty fucked up. Oh well. At least she admitted that she used to have feelings for me. _Jane lets out a sob at that particular thought. _Past tense. FUCK. I tried maybe one day she'll come around but I need to keep busy and rebuild my walls. Can't get hurt and I have to make sure something like this never happens again._

After Jane is out of sight, Maura finally goes inside to her date. As soon as she's inside Brian is behind her since she hasn't turned from the door yet.

"Are you okay?" Brian asks when Maura doesn't face him.

"I'm sorry Brian but I just need to be alone. Can you please leave." Maura replies after a few seconds of silence.

Brian looks a little disappointed but grabs his coat and leaves.

As soon as he's gone Maura locks the door and heads up to her room to change and get ready for a long night of no sleep with her thoughts.

_Maybe one day Jane and I can try to be more, but that day isn't today or anytime soon. We can't build a relationship on me not trusting her and Jane is stupid for thinking that I would forgive her as soon as she admitted her feelings._

Maura sighs and just looks up at her dark ceiling until she finally falls asleep.

**Hey guys! Tell me what you think. I don't feel like I did a great job on this chapter but I wanted to give you guys something.**

**I'm unsure as to which direction I want to take this story. Suggestions welcome. I have a bunch of thoughts but they're super jumbled.**

**Anyways, let me know what you guys think!**


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